Kasich Twins Hold an Intervention with Dad

There was a time
I could do this.

The 69th Governor of Ohio, John Richard Kasich, was a "You Tube" phenomenon last week with his 100-minute State of the State" speech delivered in Stuebenville, Ohio. Since John does not want to be confined by the limitations of a written speech, he rambled on from topic to topic as his audience of attendance- required "guests" were nervously fidgeting in both amusement and bewilderment.


Having had experience as both a father and grandfather, I was  wondering whether the Kasich twin daughters, Emma and Reese, witnessed the spectacle. Even if they were back home doing their homework, they soon saw highlights of the speech as it spread around the internet. I'm just guessing here, but I suspect the eleven-year old girls may have made the following points with their dad:


1) "Dad, if you think our mom is a "hot wife," that's fine, but don't mention it in your 'State of the State' speech! Mom is mom, and we don't want our nerdy classmates referring to her as a 'hottie.'"


2) "Another thing, Dad, perhaps you need a speech writer. We've heard that all politicians have one. We like your free spirit, but our teachers tell us we need an introduction, body, and conclusion. It seems you missed that class when you were in school."


3) "Sometimes, Dad, you can be really funny, but it's not a good idea, in the State of the State speech, to make fun of someone who suffers from Parkinson's Disease. We really like Michael J. Fox, and it appeared you were making fun of him and people  like him. Also, the kids at school are asking whether you have  stopped shaking."


4. "And you have to ditch that crying thing. We know it's the thing Republican men do, but we are not comfortable seeing our dad on TV crying.  We can put up with it here in the house, but not on TV. And frankly, Dad, John Boehner does it so much better than you. His crying is almost believable."


5. "There's another issue, Dad. It's not too statesman-like to call the citizens of California "Whackadoodles." We don't want Governor Brown referring to us as "cornflakes." But anyway, we have a guy in our class who wants to know how to spell "wackadoodle." He thinks it's a shame Abraham Lincoln did not use the word in the Gettysburg Address.


6. "And that middle name thing. Preppy Republicans like former Governor Romney like to use their middle name rather than their first name. And in his case, Mitt is much better than Willy; but in your case, John is better than Richard. We really, really don't want our classmates referring to us as "Dick's kids" or other variations of that."


7. "Just so  you don't think we are too negative, we want you to know that we think it was a stroke of genius to give the "State of the State" speech in Stuebenville instead of the Capital. We were confident that our friends and classmates would never hear of it, but then you had to go big on You Tube and now we hear about it every day at school."


In the interest of transparency, you should know that I have never talked to Emma and Reese Kasich. In fact their parents have probably told them never to talk to people like me. Therefore, I can't be confident the intervention went exactly as described, but it is so damn plausible, I'm not discrediting it.


The test of any intervention is the results it produces. In the case of John Richard Kasich, it's too early to judge but for those of you who understand gambling, the Las Vegas odds are: "No Way In Hell."  Mr Kasich considers himself God's gift to the mankind and he is not going to take advice from his children.


Their father is involved in a three-way race for the honor of being "The Most Unpopular Governor in the USA," but he has serious competition from Rick Scott in Florida and Scott Walker in Wisconsin. The speech in Stuebenville may have sealed the deal John Richard Kasich.