Do I Have a Job for You

The job that pays for doing nothing.

Imagine this part-time job: you fly to work on Tuesday, work on Wednesday, fly home on Thursday. Your travel and airport parking is paid by the employer. You receive a salary of $174, 000 a year. You receive top-of-the-line medical insurance and a pension for life. You have multiple vacations with the result that you usually will work only 125 days a year, i.e. if you consider travel time working. This job (Those so employed prefer to refer to it as a "position" or "office.") also provides many other perks like free mail privileges and large staffs, but let it be known that there are many downsides to the job:

• outside people (sometimes referred to as lobbyists) who give you money and then tell you what to do.
• people back home expect you to care about their problems.
• people who helped you in the past  want you to get them a job with the "Company."
• pesky people (sometimes called the "Press') try to find out what you're actually doing.
• a guy named Grover Norquist will ask you to take an oath.
• the NRA will offer you a ton of money in exchange for your soul.
• banks who are "too big to fail" will offer you all sorts of advise.
• huge corporations will want you to play ball on their softball team.
• religious groups will seek your support for their "freedom" -- shorthand for "exemptions from Separation of Church and State."
• losers who think a a full time job at minimum wage should keep one from living in poverty
• women who want access to contraceptives.
• veterans who have the audacity to think they deserve a break.
• if you seek the "middle ground," your own tribe will devour you.
• if you mention "the common good," you're toast.

But, all in all, this is the perfect part-time job. After all, it's the job that makes John Boehner weep for joy and allows Eric Cantor to tell his Mommy, "I have a chauffeur!" Does it get any better than that? And remember, this is the one job in which you get paid for doing nothing.

Pope Missed the Boat

Pope Heading to Castel Gandolpho

"Benny 16 blew it.  The ex-pope had a chance to send a much-needed message with his retirement, but it apparently never occurred to him," said my friend, Buck, at our weekly breakfast get-together.

"What?"  I asked. "I thought being the first pope in 600 years to give up power was a positive sign."

"How he did it is the problem. He wants to be called Pope Emeritus, have his own private suite in the Vatican (protected from any external legal jurisdiction) and continue to wear the trappings of a pope, the white papal cassock and the red Prado shoes. While his suite in the Vatican is being decorated, the self-styled "pilgrim" flies off in a private helicopter to the Pope's summer residence, a castle outside of Rome, where a large staff will take care of his every need."

"Please. Give they guy a break," I said. "He's 85 years old, tired, and experiencing health issues. He did the right thing by retiring. What else do want from him?"

"All I'm saying is that he missed an opportunity to change the image of the Church. Instead of acting like some medieval monarch turning over the reigns of power and wealth, he could have exited more modestly. He could have replaced the white papal uniform with the simple black cassock that other priests wear, replaced the red papal shoes with sandals, and retired to a monastery dedicating the rest of his life to prayer and study."

"A bit harsh," I said.

"But, much more in tune with the Church's origins." Buck took a sip of coffee and continued, "I guess what's most disturbing about this is that the Pope and the Vatican politicians probably never considered an alternative way of doing it. Apparently, once a person, no matter his origin,  is exposed to the trappings of royalty, he becomes very comfortable with a grandiose lifestyle."

"You have a point there. It's difficult to recognize a connections to the Carpenter and a bunch of Jewish fishermen," I added, "but we Catholics have come to expect these royal trappings. If the English can support a monarch, I guess the largest Christian religion can do so."

"Not so fast there, my friend. England has a figurehead monarchy, but a democratic government. The English choose their leaders. In the Catholic Church, however, the average Catholic has no power, even though Vatican II spoke so elegantly of the Church as 'The People of God.'"

We had finished our breakfasts, and Sara was picking up our dishes. "Sara, my dear, you are a fine, young Catholic lady. What in your humble opinion is amiss with Catholicism?"

"For your information, my opinion is anything but humble, but the answer to your question is simple. The Catholic Church needs at least 60 female Cardinals."