Saints, Papal and Otherwise

Papal Saints

Far be it from me to say it, but many a wag I know would suggest that the phrase "papal saints' is an oxymoron. And the fact that Pope Francis has decided to expedite the canonization of two recent pontiffs causes an eyebrow or two to be raised.

For Francis, who appears to be quite media savvy, this may be one of his significant public relations coups. Catholics love their saints, therefore give them some new ones even though they also happen to be former popes -- a process that appears "a little self-congratulatory." (Michael Sean Winters, 7/8/13)  And the fact that he is canonizing two popes (John XXIII and John Paul II) who appeal to different factions of Catholicism is a real coup. Canonizing John XXIII by himself would have irritated the conservative element of the church no end, but throw in John Paul II into the mix and everybody has their ice cream.

Does that sound a bit political? Well, don't forget that the process of having someone canonized is much like a political campaign. It takes organization, contacts in high places,  and money. If you don't have those, forget about having Aunt Rose canonized although we all know she is a saint. The papacy is in a much better position to get one of their own canonized.

And then there is the question of how many canonized saints the church needs.

I have on my bookshelf a German book from the 1880's entitled Leben der Heiligen (Lives of the Saints) that I received from my German grandmother. The book is four and one-half inches thick and requires a weightlifter to remove it from the shelf. I have never had the time to count up the number of saints in this volume, but most of them are unknown. Take for example, "Der Heilige Konrad, Bishof." His bio is marked in our book because "Konrad" was a popular middle name in our family, even though most have never heard of him.

But the question remains, how many saints does a church need?  Other than politics or public relations, what difference does it make?

I did notice that there were far more male saints than female -- a fact which surprised me since I have known more women than men who have lived saintly lives. On the other hand, I have noticed that the presence of testicles is not a great predictor of pious behavior. 

The demographics of sainthood aside, a more important issue is: why do we have saints and what is their purpose? When I was studying the Baltimore Catechism, I was told that Catholics do not worship saints, but pray to them in an attempt to have them intercede with God on our behalf. They are in effect heavenly lobbyists (that too has the ring of an oxymoron).

But that hardly explains the need for the Church to canonize saints. I was also told I could have a personal relationship with God. If that's the case, why would I not pray directly to God? Why take the circuitous route of praying to Saint Konrad? Do I really need a lobbyist?

That raises another question. Do the various saint/lobbyists have different levels of influence? If I pray to Saint Peter, will he have more influence than St. Konrad? Or does St. Mary Magdalene have more influence than St. Peter? And what about my mother or father (I am sure they are saints)? It seems to me, they would be better intercessors than some guy I never knew.

Is there such a process for "decanonization"? If, through research,  we learn that a canonized saint from the 1500's participated in genocide, can the church revoke his/her canonization?

Also, why is it there were so many more saints in the early days of the Roman Church than there are today? Was it easier to hide one's dark side in those days before universal government surveillance?

The best aspect of saintology is "patron saints." They are "heavenly advocates of a nation, place, craft, activity, class, clan, family or person." (Wikipedia). If you are Irish, St. Patrick is part of who you are. If you are a "lost cause," St Jude is your man. If you are a lover, St. Valentine is looking out for you. 

I wonder; does a "patron" saint have special lobbying powers for his/her constituency  If so it is important to know who is the best saint for job at hand. If you are British, St.Patrick may not be your best bet.

And then there are some of the lesser known patron saints. Are you familiar with:

• St. Adrian of Nicomedia -- patron of arms dealers. (Has to be a favorite of the NRA.)
• St. Clare of Assisi -- patron of television
• St. Columbanus -- patron of motorcyclists
• St. Amand of Maastricht -- patron of barkeeps (John Boehner's favorite)
• St. Blaise -- patron of cowboys and John Wayne
• St. Barbara -- patron of saltpeter workers (no comment necessary)
• St. Isodore of Seville -- patron of computers and the internet*

It will be interesting to learn the specialties of John XXIII and John Paul II.

*I have no idea how these holy advocates became patrons of these things. You will have to research that on your own.