Ash Wednesday, the first day of Lent, that period of time during which Christians willing deprive themselves of things they desire, has arrived. Many of things we "give up" are also things whose absence will benefit our health and longevity, in other words, our "bad habits."
In addition to everyday bad habits, politicians, on the other hand, have a much larger accumulation of bad habits, and it is therefore much more difficult for them to decide what to "give up" for Lent. In the interest of doing my civic duty, I am going to assist some politicians by suggesting they do without the following:
- President Obama; give up basketball and concentrate on your golf game. Rich, white, guys really hate to see blacks playing golf and playing well.
- Vice President Joe Biden: try talking less and when doing so, don't use the f-word in front of an open microphone. Blue-collar workers like that , but the blondes on the Fox channel go into a tizzy when you do that. So just stop it!
- Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell: stop taking money from your father-in-law, shipping magnate, James Chao. After all, the Koch brothers are paying you well to do their bidding.
- Speaker of the House John Boehner: although many have suggested you give up drinking, smoking, swearing, and tanning booths, I would suggest you give up meddling in the President's international negotiations and stop playing footsie with Benjamin Netanyahu.*
- Former President George W. Bush: although your family dreams of that "Dynasty" thing, give it up. Tell your brother Jeb that he is no more qualified to be president than you were.
- Former Vice President Dick Cheney: although you really enjoy your status as "Liar Extraordinaire," perhaps you could try telling the truth throughout this Lenten season.
- Senator John McCain: give up your senate seat. There is no known cure for senility.
- Senator Rafael "Ted" Cruz: give up shutting down the government of the United States. Yes, we know you did it because "God told me to do it;" but it seems to me that shutting down our government is something a terrorist would be proud of.
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| Ted Cruz |
- South Carolina State Senator Tom Corbin: maybe just for Lent you could shut your mouth and stop disrespecting women. Your last attempt to explain your misogyny by saying women are "a lesser cut of meat," did little to help.
- GOP Florida Senator Marco Rubio: for Lent you could start showing up for work. After you were found to be "the least likely to show up for work," it's time to at least act like you are earning your salary.
- New Jersey Governor Chris Christie: some would suggest the good governor go on a diet for Lent, I would suggest that he enroll in a crash course on "Ethics In Government."
- Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker: I know you admire Dick Cheney, but you have to stop telling lies. Unfortunately, you, like Pinocchio, get caught every time.
- GOP wannabe president Rudy Giuliani: stop insisting your remarks are not racist. Your "explanations" simply confirm your racist attitudes.
* In case John Boehner wonders what Americans think of his attempt to play politics with foreign policy, this is what they think:
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