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A staple of American daily newspapers has been and continues to be is the "advise column." I'm not sure the advice they offer is sound, but I do know they provide many readers entertainment. Perhaps we all tend to revel in others' problems, and secretly breathe a sigh of relief, saying "Thank God, my life is not that screwed up." Possibly, the readers are also fans of TV shows like "Dr. Phil." Viewers can find relief in the fact that others have much more serious problems than their own.
In fact, some of us actually enjoy the pain of others, and Germans have a great word for such feelings, schadenfreude. A young woman smiles when she learns that her ex-boyfriend has been fired from his job. A Michigan football fan enjoys the chaos surrounding Urban Meyer at Ohio State. Although we may not be proud of ourselves, we have all secretly partaken in such pleasures.
Whatever the reason, entertainment or schadenfreude, advice columns continue to be popular. Since studies show that many subscribers would rather do without the editorial page than the advice column, the know-it-alls who write the columns will be with us for some time.
I, in fact, would like to be one of the know-it-alls. Although my knowledge is quite limited, my hubris is such that I think I could offer good advice.
For example, my advice for some questions I have seen recently is quite incisive.
Q: Should I tell my boyfriend he has body odor?
A. Hell no. Find another boyfriend.
Q: Why doesn't my son's girlfriend come around?
A. Obviously, he told her that you are a bitch.
Q: My daughter's teacher asked her to spend the night. Should I allow her?
A. The fact that you had to ask that question tells me your daughter needs a new mother.
Q: My obnoxious brother-in-law wants me to introduce him to my best friend. She deserves better. What should I do?
A. Tell your brother-in-law she is a lesbian with homicidal tendencies.
Q: My male boss annoys me by standing within my personal space. What can I do?
A. Tell him to back off because you're disgusted by his nose hair.
Q: I just learned that my brother-in-law is a rapist. What to do?.
A: Nominate him for the Supreme Court or a high-level position in the Trump administration.
Q: My mother-in-law has an annoying habit of dropping in at our house unannounced any time of the day or evening. How do I put a stop to this?
A. Always lock the door, and post a sign that reads: "Sex in Progress. Call ahead."
Q: My wife no longer speaks to me. Worried in DeKalb.
A. I wish I knew the reason. Many husbands would pay big to get your secret.
Q: Should I quit my day job to write a book?
A: Not unless you want to starve.
Q: How old is too old to wear a miniskirt?
A: Seven.
Q: Our new neighbor, a single female, is always flirting with my husband. What should I do?
A: Tell her your husband is suffering from a sexually-transmitted disease.
Q: My husband fantasizes about Jennifer Garner.* Does he have a problem?
A: Not at all. He has good taste.
Most advice columnists answer these questions at great length with an abundance of psycho-babble. The best answers are the concise ones. For example, it's quite clear, in fact, way too clear that females, seven years old or older, should not wear miniskirts. End of discussion!
*For the sake of full disclosure I used Jennifer Garner's name so I could include her photo
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Recently I was following a pickup truck that was flying a Confederate flag and concluded that the driver had racist leanings. In 2018 those who go to the trouble of purchasing and displaying that flag do so because they want to make a statement, a not so subtle statement that whites are superior to blacks. As I came closer, I noticed the owner had a Trump bumper sticker. No surprise there. But then I noticed a Latin phrase in Old English script. That was a surprise. Is this white supremacist fluent in Latin? Possible.
On the other hand, what did she mean with the phrase, "Deus Vult"? Simply translated it means "God wills," or "God wills it." By itself, it means very little without an explanation of what it is that God wills. Does God will that little boys urinate on "Chevy"? That was the subject of a decal next to Deus Vult.
Once home I did a bit of searching and found that "Deus Vult" is an insider reference used by white supremacists to express their Islamophobia. Members of the alt-right, a phrase used to include racists, xenophobes, and other hate groups, apparently chose this phrase as a dog whistle to each other during the 2016 election.
Why? Apparently, the phrase is a piece of Crusader iconography. It was the battle cry of Pope Urban II's first crusade. In that context it means God wills the destruction of Muslims. Thus the alt-right uses it to justify their Islamophobia. In fact, vandals have used it to deface mosques and other structures.
The use of code words or political "dog whistles" is typical of hate groups. Realizing their hatred is not shared by the general public, they rely on insider signs to identify each other.
Most recently, it has become popular to consider the hand signal which in the past meant "okay" to be a "white power" sign used by Donald Trump's base supporters. A Coast Guard employee on the hurricane duty checked to see that he was in view of the TV camera, flashed the sign and then pretended to scratch his face. He was relieved of his duty.
A few weeks earlier, at the Brett Kavanaugh hearings in the Senate, many maintain that Zina Bash, Kavanaugh's former law clerk, flashed the same symbol while sitting behind the nominee. The video went viral and was considered by many to as a message to white supremacists.
The alt-right has many other signs and codes.
The numbers, 1488 or 14/88, appear frequently in neo-Nazi propaganda. It refers to two racist concepts. First, 88 represents two H's (8th letter of the alphabet) for HH (Heil Hitler). "14" refers to the "Fourteen Words" of white supremacist David Lane. His 14 words are: "We must secure the future of our existence and a future for white children." Others say it refers to the 14 words: "Because the beauty of the White Aryan woman must not perish from the earth." Either way, the words speak to the hearts of white supremacists.*
Another code of the alt-right is to enclose someone's name in triple parentheses. They use the parentheses to identify (star) Jewish journalists. However, this code is no longer very effective because Twitter has eliminated its use and many other journalists have used the parentheses to make such identification meaningless.
There are many more political dog whistles of the various hate groups, but one of the most pernicious is the reference to "helicopters" or "helicopter rides." The reference is to the practice of removing political opponents by taking them for a helicopter ride over the ocean and then throwing them out. When these hate groups suggest someone should be taken for a helicopter ride, they are suggesting a modern alternative to lynching.
Hate groups feel the use of code words and signs gives the "insiders" an added sense of belonging, but the fact remains, these people are consumed and driven by their fear of the "other."
*Many consider the hand signal to be a hoax; others consider it to be meaningless since it such a popular gesture which was used to mean "okay."
Buck and I planned to play golf last week, but he phoned me: "Instead of wasting our time and energy messing around with golf clubs, balls, and carts, why don't we just take a walk in the park, and not spoil it ala Mark Twain?"
I agreed, but not without pointing out that he owed me eight dollars from our last golf outing. We decided to meet at Wildwood, one of our metroparks.
We took one of the lesser-used trails and ended up at a bench next to Ten Mile Creek. "Ah, here we are," he said as he sat down. "Enough with the walking; this is our spot. We can sit here and enjoy the wonders of nature."
After a few minutes of meditative silence, he pulled a flask and a couple of cigars. "And there's no reason we can't enjoy our vices and nature at the same time. Here you go, have a Montecristo, and there's some good scotch in the flask."
"I didn't know not playing golf could be so enjoyable, " I said
"I'm here," he said, "to educate you on the finer things in life. And the good thing is this education is tuition free."
"Give it up, Buck. You can't teach an old dog new tricks."
"Probably so. I've wasted much of my life sharing pearls of wisdom with you and all to no avail."
"I'm glad we have established that," I said as I created a near perfect smoke ring.
Buck took a slug of scotch, and savored it for a while. "Speaking of education reminds me of our 'very stable genius' in the White House. Did you know he is refusing to get up from his desk because he was told you can't indict a sitting president."
After an appropriate groan, I was not to be outdone (or perhaps underdone). "Well at least he promised us he would hire the very best, Like Ben Carson, Secretary of HUD, a very stable genius in his own right who declared, 'Illegal immigrants caught voting should be stripped of their citizenship.'"
"You know," Buck said, "the only person Trump ever hired who was actually qualified to do their job was Stormy Daniels."
"It's not charitable of us to make fun of Putin's Apprentice," I said. "He needs our admiration. After all, it's all about Donald. When informed of Aretha Franklin's death, the first thing he said was, 'She used to work for me.' A classic narcissistic response."
"Yeah, and we were so looking forward to his Russian-style military parade."
"Well, he didn't get his parade, but he found another hair-brained way to waste our money, the Space Force."
As dark clouds started to move in, we decided we had better start back to the parking lot. "That was a lot of fun," Buck said. "What would we have to talk about if we didn't have a very stable genius in the White House?"
N.B. Since any factual information in the above is pure coincidence, I can't provided actual sources. Unfortunately, the Trump's quote about Aretha Frankilin's death and Carson's comment about immigrants are factual.
Just for the record, when NFL players kneel during the National Anthem, they are protesting police racial violence. they are not breaking the law or dishonoring the flag. They are in fact implementing their 1st Amendment right of free speech. Their protest has nothing to do with the flag or the military, although Donald Trump tries to re-define their protest in those terms and distract us from the chaos that is his White House.
Our flag, however, is being disrespected almost every day by those who label themselves patriots.
On June 22, 1942, the National Flag code became Public Law 77-623, chapter 435, which among other things states: "No part of the flag should ever be use as a costume or athletic uniform." All of those tee-shirts, baseball caps, swimming suits etc. which feature the flag or a part of the flag are against the law. (The law does allow for flag pins to be worn on the left lapel and flag patches worn on the uniform of military personnel and other public service members.)
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This law also states: "The flag should never be used for advertising purposes in any manner whatsoever. It should not be embroidered on such articles as cushions or handkerchiefs and the like, printed or otherwise impressed on paper napkins or boxes or anything that is designed for temporary use and discard."
Those popular paper plates featuring the flag, omnipresent around the 4th of July, are against the law. Those car dealers and other retailers who display the flag in their ads are violating the law.
In fact, the way the flag is displayed at many NFL football games violates the law which states: "The flag should always be permitted to fall freely." It is not to be stretched out over a football field and held in place horizontally.
The National Flag Law is continuously being violated in a variety of ways, but an athlete kneeling in the presence of the flag is within her/his rights, and not disrespecting the flag.
Our flag represents our country, based on our Constitution, which protects citizens' right to protest . The flag and the democratic values it represents should be honored and respected.
But, then there is this guy.
