Humorless and Friendless

When my friend, Buck, and I had lunch together at Nick's Diner, the conversation took an unfortunate turn and we ended up discussing our current president. Since Buck is a conservative Republican and I am a progressive Democrat, we have had many political arguments over the years; but since 2016 we have agreed more often than not. We both are appalled and embarrassed that Donald J. Trump is the president of this great country.

Buck is fond of reminding anyone who listens that Trump is not a true conservative as many Republican conservative columnists have made clear. Our waitress, Salina, approached the table as Buck was complaining about the trillions of dollars Trump was adding to the deficit.

"May I tempt you gentleman to a dessert?" she asked.

This, of course, was a perfect set-up for Buck. "As you can clearly see, there is only one gentleman at this table and it is not that radical sitting across from me."

Salina turned to me, "It's my pleasure, I always wanted to meet a radical. I'm not interested in gentlemen." I gave Buck a thumbs-up, and he snorted in his iced-tea.

After we asked for our checks, we were back to Trump, and I asked, "Policy aside, why do you dislike the guy so much?"

"As a bard once said, let me count the ways." A pause. "First, I can't abide a man with no sense of humor. The man can't begin to comprehend, let alone appreciate, humor. He refuses to attend the Washington Press Corps Roast because he doesn't get it.  The idea of honoring someone by making jokes about him is beyond Trump's comprehension. Have you ever heard him say something humorous? And of course, satire is too complicated for him. He thinks he's being humorous when he tweets that so-and-so is 'a bitch.'  That's it; name-calling is his version of humor."

"I'll not point out that earlier you did a bit of name-calling.  But I understand your point about a sense of humor. I can't help but recall that was a criticism of Hitler.  That aside, I sense you have other issues with Donald?"

"We don't have enough time for me to list all of his personal character flaws,  but there is another factor that is a real red flag and that is that he has no friends. Everybody has friends, you say? Well, name one true friend of Donald Trump. People, of course, say they are his friends because that is to their benefit, but when push comes to shove, they know he will throw them under the bus and move on. A person that repeatedly does that has no friends. Trump has no friends. Even people with conflicting ideas become friends. Take Ronald Reagan and Tip O'Neill, or Ruth Bader Ginsburg and Antonin Scalia.  But Trump has no friends, not even people who agree with him."

"What," I ask, "about Vladimir Putin? Trump claims they're friends and he seems to repeatedly make decisions that ultimately help Russia and Putin.",

"They're not friends. Neither is capable of friendship. In Trump's case, it's all about money and fame.  In Putin's case, it's all about power and his ability to manipulate Trump. That's not friendship. A puppeteer and his puppet are not friends."

As we were walking to our cars, it occurred to me that DonaldTrump accomplished what I had never envisioned: Buck and I are in agreement on a political issue.