Kasich's Budget for Ohio?

art work from dispatchpolitics.com

During the gubernatorial campaign, candidate Kasich managed not to tell us how he was going to balance the State of Ohio's budget.Now that he is governor, he still has not revealed his magical methods of accounting for a $8 billion projected deficit. All that we know is that his expanded staff will receive up to 35 % more than Strickland's staff. He has talked about privatizing the liquor control agency and the turnpike commission. He thinks it would be a good idea to eliminate collective bargaining for public employees. At one point he talked about eliminating the sales tax, but apparently has back-tracked on that brilliant idea.


Not to bring up an inconvenient truth, but Wall Street John campaigned on creating jobs. Obviously he is now talking about eliminating jobs, particularly jobs of public employees who actually do the real work of government.


Obviously Mr. Kasich has not confided in me and never will; but since we have little information from him, I am stepping in to predict  how his budget will account for the projected $8 billion dollar deficit. I will begin with the cutbacks.


Possible Budget  Cuts:


1. State public employees are an expensive drag on our state's economy. We will  fire 15% of these public service employees. We know the crime rate will increase and fire insurance will cost more, but that's not our problem.


2. We will halt all state expenditures on the infrastructure, unless. of course, the contractor donated  the required amount to the Republican party in the last election. You know who you are; not to worry.


3. Education? By all means we are spending too much money on our future. We need to reduce this spending on all levels, kindergarten through university. We cannot invest in long-range projects like this. We need to privatize education, and cut costs. We cannot afford to spend money on these snotty-nosed kids like our parents' generation did  for us. These are hard times; we need to take care of ourselves.


4. We need to privatize the Ohio Highway Patrol and Ohio's prison system. Perhaps we can turn those responsibilities over to Blackwater Inc. (renamed, Xe). Since they did such a "bang-up" job in Iraq, they can do a number on Ohio.


5. Following Arizona's lead, we will have to eliminate Medicaid payments for transplants of the heart, liver, lung, pancreas, and bone marrow. True, as in Arizona, some poor people will die because of this, but we can't afford these transplants.


6. We need to eliminate the Ohio Environmental Agency. The industries can regulate themselves. Furthermore, we may be able to attract new polluters, er I mean responsible businesses to Ohio.


7. All 74 state parks need to be closed and employees laid off. Who needs state parks? Perhaps if they are closed, families will attend invest-owned amusement parks like Cedar Point in greater numbers. Wall Street likes that.


8. The Ohio National Guard needs to be drastically reduced. There are no no natural or man-made disasters predicted to occur in the next two years.


9. The Department of Agriculture's food safety staff will be cut in half. Not to worry; the huge food conglomerates will guarantee the safety of our food, just like they have in the past.


10. And it goes without saying, state funding for libraries has to be eliminated. And in addition libraries are unfair competition for private corporations like Barnes and Noble, video stores, and internet cafes. We can't have that.


Possible New Sources of Income (not taxes, mind you):


1. Fees for driver's licenses, boat licences, trailer licenses, hunting licenses, fishing licenses, and any other license issued by the state of Ohio will be tripled. Stop complaining,  you are lucky to have a boat, fishing rod,  shotgun, and a dog -- oops, too bad we do not have a state dog license.


2. Beginning as soon as the budget is passed, the following will apply to rest areas along state and interstate highways: parking meters will charge $1.00 per every fifteen minutes. So do your business and get out of there. The pay toilets will cost $1.00 per ten minutes -- so again do your business and get out of there. Need we remind you, time is money.  Urinals will be 50 cents per ten minutes. Ladies, sorry about the discrepancy, but you have to admit urinals are more efficient. If you have a complaint, take it up with your Creator.


3. Of course, because of the above noted cutbacks, the cost of tuition at all state colleges and universities will increase by $2000 a year. Again, don't complain to the governor;  if you had earned a scholarship, you would not have to worry about it.


4. The utility companies will collect $5.00 a month from consumers in order to pay the salaries of PUCO members and staff. Although they will  rubber-stamp whatever the utilities ask for, it remains a fact: someone has to pay their salaries. (I need to get me one of those jobs.)


5.For years, Ontario has been transporting its garbage to Michigan and dumping it in landfills and paying Michigan to do so. Well, now Michigan has become uppity and refuses to take any more Canadian garbage. This is the perfect opportunity for Ohio. We will take the Canadian garbage and the many, many loons they will spend to keep Ontario safe and clean. We call it "turning-lemons-into-lemonade." But that's just the beginning, we could do the same with Indiana's, Kentucky's, West Virginia's and Pennsylvania's garbage.
And then there is toxic and nuclear waste. Ohio could become wealthy on being the area's landfill. You have to love uncontrolled capitalism!


As I said and everyone knows,  I have no idea of  what the governor is going to do, and I hope he makes my predictions seem as ludicrous as they are.