Sarah Palin is not Running - The Whole Story

In Wasilla, Alaska, on October 5, 2011 Sarah Palin announced the she would not seek the GOP nomination for President of the United States. Her statement, although vague, suggested that her reason for not running was based on family concerns. Although we can all appreciate that running for President can create problems for the candidate's family, I am suggesting there may have been some other reasons:


1. Someone informed her that being President involves more work than being Governor of Alaska.
2. And to make matters worse, she learned that the President's salary is only $400,000. She can make that much giving three or four speeches to Tea Party faithful.
3.In exchange for not running, Rick Perry invited her to do "some shootin"at his West Texas hunting camp, and perhaps an opportunity to rub the "Niggerhead" rock.
4. Not to be outdone, Mitt Romney offered to arrange a guest appearance for her with the Morman Tabernacle Choir.
5. As President she would have to live in Washington D.C. and give up her backyard view of Russia.
6. If elected President, at Thanksgiving, she would be expected to pardon the White House turkey instead of "shootin the critter."
7. If elected, she was looking forward to being the chair of the "Death Panel" until she was informed there is no such panel and that she was the one who fabricated the idea.
8. By not running, Sarah avoids the whole hassle of quitting after getting elected. She didn't want to go through that "Alaska thing" again.
9. She heard rumors that the TV networks do not pay the President for news conferences and the State of the Union address.
10. She would rather continue working for Rupert Murdoch because then she can tap phones without court approval.
11.She was informed that as President she would have to read a daily stack of security briefings. No way! She doesn't even read newspapers.
12. And a real shocker was that she learned the President does not have the power to "refudiate" the rulings of the U.S Supreme Court. Damn, I can't refudiate Roe v. Wade?
13.The military would look askance at attacking Katie Couric with a drone aircraft.
14. She was surprised to learn that she might encounter a problem in appointing Charles Koch chairman of the Energy Department and his brother, David, head of the Environmental Protection Agency. I owe those boys!
15. But the real deal-killer: she could not market her brand by renaming Air Force One "Lady Grizzly."

By way of a disclaimer, I must admit Sarah Palin has not discussed this topic with me. If the truth be known, we are not close. On the other hand, I am disheartened that she is not running. Without her,  the GOP presidential race is not going to be as much fun.