Tax Cheaters Claim to be Victims!

1960 Ford Thunderbird

      Since Buck and I have been traveling, it has been over a month since we had our weekly breakfast at Nick's Diner, and Buck was eager to resume his ordinary schedule. Sarah, seating us at our usual table, said, "So, you guys survived your travels, and now you've come back to harass me."

      "Wait a minute," Buck said. "I want to make it clear. We did not travel together. I couldn't stand to travel with that old coot. It's difficult enough having breakfast with him once a week."

      "Pleased to see your travels didn't improve your disposition," Sara said as she prepared to take our orders. "Will it be the usual or have your travels expanded your narrow horizons?"

      "Sarcasm is not becoming in a young lady, and yes I will have the usual," Buck replied.

      For my part, I said, "Unlike my friend here, my horizons have expanded. I will order what I'm naming 'Chick's Creation' in honor of my mother-in-law. It begins with a handful of shredded cheddar cheese in the bottom of a cereal bowl. The bowl is then filled with steaming hot grits, and the grits in turn are covered by two over-easy eggs. Now that's good eatin'."

      "Oh my," said Buck. "This guy spends some time on the wrong side of the Mason-Dixon Line, and he comes back thinking he's an expert on Southern Cuisine. Grits are nothing more than ground -up corn kernels -- a cheap substitute for potatoes. But, our friend here (he points in my direction) thinks he's discovered a delicacy."

      "'Chick's Creation' sounds good," said Sara. "I'll have to try it. Maybe Nick will put it on the new menu."

      "Not a chance!" Buck said. "Nick has higher standards." But, by now,  Sara was walking away.

      "Okay, Buck, I'm desperate to hear about your travel adventures," I suggest, knowing full well that I was going to hear about them, no matter what.

      "I'll tell you a travel adventure you won't believe. I drove all over the eastern part of the good ole USA in my Buick Century, and even though I usually exceeded the speed limit, not once was I stopped by a cop. And a couple days ago, back home in Toledo, I decide to take my 1960 Ford Thunderbird out of storage and give her a little time on the open highway. I'm driving down I-75, from Perrysburg toward Bowling Green, and I unleashed the horses. We were feeling our oats! The ole girl needed to stretch her muscles."

      "I wasn't worried," he continued. "There were several other cars going the same speed. But then, out of nowhere, a Highway Patrol car is behind me with red and blue lights flashing. I was tempted to take off and outrun the bum, but who knows these days with Homeland Security? They might send in an unmanned drone and blow me and my baby off the face of the earth. So I pulled off the side of the highway. The patrol car pulled up a safe distance behind me, and parked at an angle as though we were going to have a shoot-out."

      "Patrolwoman Sheila approached my car with her hand on her weapon. I think she was disappointed that I put my hands on the dash. No shoot-out today. She had to satisfy herself with the usual drivers license and registration procedure."

      "'Sir,' she said. 'I suppose you know you were travelling 90 miles per hour.'"

      "I patted the dash board and said, 'Atta girl. You still got it.' From then on the conversation deteriorated  When I tried to explain that there were other vehicles traveling the same speed and that it was an injustice to pick me out, she laughed and used the cop's favorite line, 'Tell it to the judge!' And you and I, my friend, know she picked me because I was driving a cool 1960 Thunderbird. If I had been driving my old Buick, she would have stopped the white Lexus."

      Although Sara brought us our breakfast orders, Buck wasn't finished. "And that's the same with this so-called controversy about the IRS and the Tea Party."

      "I beg your pardon?"

      "You know what I'm talking about. Tea Party groups wanted to establish 501 (C) (4)  accounts so they could spend millions of dollars on political campaigns without disclosing the identity of donors. The only problem is that the law says that money raised is to be used 'exclusively for the promotion of social welfare.' Not to finance negative political ads. With justification, the IRS was suspicious of organizations seeking tax-free status if they were closely affiliated with the Tea Party Movement."

      "True; they were flagged, just as I was flagged for driving a 1960 Thunderbird, and as Patrolman Sheila said to me, 'Tell it to the Judge.' The Tea Party groups were trying to break the law, and the IRS was justifiably suspicious. We know from the 2012 campaign that they were using large amounts of this 'dark money' for political advertising. I hate to see lawbreakers claiming to be victims."