Gang of Five Rips "Dem" from Democracy

Last week my friend, Buck, had a vision which he wanted to share with me at our weekly breakfast. We met at Nick's Diner on Bancroft Street at 9 AM, and he shared the details of his  "vision." As I enjoyed my Boston Breakfast, Buck provided the following soliloquy:

Nobody else knows this, but I want you , my friend, to be the first to know. Last night after Scott Walker survived a recall vote in Wisconsin, Chief Justice John Roberts held a conference call with the four other members of his "Gang of Five."


Speaking of Walker's victory, Robert said to the others, "Now that's what I'm talking about! Tonight's results are the reason we became activists and passed  Citizens United, Those with the money prevailed. This is the new version of democracy. Thanks to our work, the wealthy can now manipulate democracy. We're not like Vladimir Putin who manages democracy with the use of KGB tactics. With our five votes on the Supreme Court we have provided the extremely wealthy with the power to control the country."


"Right on," exclaimed Clarence Thomas. "That's why they spent all that capital to get us on the Court. And it's only just that we, in return,  give them what they want."


"Wait a minute there, Clarence," interjected Justice Alito. "We can't let the public think we made that decision based on politics. In our confirmation hearings we suggested we were going to be fair and impartial 'umpires,'  just calling balls and strikes as we saw them, but not writing the rules as to the definition of a ball and strike. Now of course, in Citizens United we did rewrite the rules, but we cannot admit that or the political motivation of the decision."


"And in all due deference to your outspoken honesty, Judge Thomas, it is best that you continue to refrain from speaking in court hearings, if you know what I mean?"


"Don't take that in the wrong way Clarence," Roberts said. "We appreciate the ties you and Justice Scalia have with  conservative Republican organizations. That is very helpful to the cause; it's just that we want to maintain the facade of impartiality as long as we can."


"Screw impartiality" Justice Scalia shouted. "God has given us this opportunity  to manipulate democracy to fit His vision for the United States. We know the framers of the Constitution wanted to seperate Church and State, but this is our opportunity to redefine democracy. This is our hour. Carpe diem. Who knows what will happen if we get more women and liberals on the Court. God forbid! It is in our hands to redefine democracy and although we made a good start with Citizens United, there is much more we can do. For starters, we have to shoot down Obamacare."


"Wait a minute,"  Justice Kennedy said. " You guys are suggesting replacing democracy with plutocracy. I am confident that the Founding Fathers would not have agreed with you.  Secondly, and with all due respect, I  must ask what our role is as Supreme Court Justices. When we took the oath of office, we swore to uphold the Constitution of the United States which requires us ' to promote the general Welfare, and secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourselves and our Posterity.' I repeat, it says the 'general Welfare,' not 'the Welfare of the wealthy.' As for promoting partisan politics, that is the very thing the Supreme Court was to avoid, and is contrary to our oath of office."


"Yada, Yada," interjected Justice Thomas. "Save your pious postering for the press. I was placed on this court by people who had expectations and being the grateful soul that I am, I will accommodate their  agenda."


"Clarence, you a man of few words," Justice Scalia said, " but you get to the heart of the matter."


"Wait a minute, guys," Justice Roberts said. "I am the Chief Justice and I do not want to be remembered as the 'umpire who was a fan of the winning team'."


"Fine John," said Alito. "You can use all your pious platitudes to make it sound as if you're impartial, but the people who gave you your job-for-life have expectations. Find a way to have it both ways, but make sure the GOP agenda prevails."


By this point, I had finished my Boston Breakfast, but Buck's Country Skillet was barely touched. He called the waitress over and asked her to take it away. When she asked what was wrong with it, he said the Country Skillet was fine, but the country itself is doomed. When she started to suggest an alternative, I motioned her away and asked for both checks. Perhaps Buck was still hungry, but I was satisfied.