Mitt Frightens Buck

New at Nick's Diner:

Today, when I met my friend, Buck, for our weekly breakfast at Nick's Diner, I realized that he was fired up and that I was going to be doing a lot of listening.

Sara, working her way through college as a waitress, came to take our orders. I ordered my usual "Boston Breakfast," the size of which requires a special permit in most civilized societies, while Buck ordered the "Whack-a-doodle Special" (previously  known as a "California Omelet" until Governor Kasich reminded Ohioans that Californians were all "Wack-a-doodles.) As Sara turned to place our orders, Buck tapped her on her forearm. Turning back, she asked, "Is there something else I can get you?"


"Yes," Buck said. "I have a question for you. Do you know where that attractive tee-shirt was manufactured?" Buck was pointing to her powder blue shirt emblazoned with yellow letters proclaiming "Nick's Diner."


Somewhat confused, Sara replied, "No Sir, I do not."


Standing up, Buck asked, "Do you mind if I look?' He was already reaching for the tag on the collar of her shirt.


"I guess not,"  a blushing Sara whispered.


"Aha, just as I thought. Made in China!" Buck announces, while Sara scrambles to put a considerable distance between herself  and our table.


"You embarrassed her," I chided

"I'm just making a point. We're buying everything from China. I suppose you know that the US Olympic team is wearing uniforms made in China."

"They probably cost less," I suggested.

"Maybe, but only in the short term. In the long term, we are losing good American jobs and our economy will suffer." Sara was refilling our coffee cups before making a hasty retreat. "And now we learn that when Mitt Romney was in charge of the Olympics in 2002, the US uniforms were manufactured in Burma -- a military dictatorship. Can you believe that? But wait, it gets worse. Some genius on Romney's staff tried to explain it by saying it was not Burma, it was Myanmar. These guys want to run our country and don't realize that Burma is Myanmar!"

"Shades of Sarah Palin," I said as Sara served our plates, all the time keeping a wary eye on Buck. The Wack-a-doodle Special must have been quite good; Buck chose to eat rather than  lecture me  about outsourcing American jobs.

As we were finishing off the last morsels on our plates, Buck said: "Speaking of predator capitalists,..."

"What predator capitalists? I guess I wasn't following the conversation," I interrupted.

"Mitt Romney and his buddies, of course.You know, the guys who use other people's money to make money for themselves. They're not like George Romney whose company actually manufactured something useful and employed people who could then afford to buy an American Motors car."

"I wonder what George would think of Bain Capital and the modern hedge funds?" I asked.

"I guess we 'll never know, but I suspect he would question Mitt's need for off-shore bank accounts in the Cayman Islands and Switzerland. This is the guy," Buck continued, "who destroyed public records when he left office as governor of Massachusetts. The same guy who refuses make public more than one year's  tax returns. Gotta wonder what he is hiding."


"More interesting than that," I interjected, "is that he can't decide when he retired from Bain Capital. What kind of job is it that one can't remember retiring. Most of us who had real jobs know exactly when we retired. We no longer receive a pay check, but apparently the paychecks just keep coming for people like Mitt."


"Better yet, his staff tried to explain away the problem by saying he 'retired retroactively.' I presume the gal or guy who said that is the same person who thought Burma and Myanmar were two separate countries."


Adding kindling to the fire, I pointed out that Ann Romney's answer to the request for tax returns was: "We've given all you people need to know."

"Typical elitist response," Buck said. "They think they are the 'deciders,'  as George W. Bush was wont to say. And what's this with 'you people'? That used to be plantation language, but I doubt she meant it that way, I think she meant "you people" to mean the other 99% of Americans who are not part of the elite. I find it interesting that the arrogant don't recognize their own arrogance."


When Sara presented us with our checks, Buck said: "I am sorry I embarrassed you earlier. It's just that I go crazy thinking that Mitt Romney could possibly be the President of the United State."


"That was a little embarrassing, but I understand where you're coming from. And by the way, I think you will be interested in a new item Nick is putting on next week's menu. Instead of flapjacks, we will be serving Mitt's Flip Flops, 25 varieties and counting."


 Buck and I now have another reason to load up on calories at Nick's.