Romney: "Trust me."

Unlike other presidential candidates, Mitt Romney refuses to reveal his federal tax returns, but tells us: "Trust me. I paid at least 13% federal taxes."  Although his father, George Romney, had warned us that a politician who refuses to release his tax returns is hiding something, Mitt asks us to trust him, and perhaps we should trust that he paid at least 13%.  The problem is there seems to be something else in those returns that he doesn't want the public to see.

Being the trusting soul that I am, I will trust him. In fact, since he has asked, I will trust him when he makes the following statements..

 Trust me:
1. Women do not have the right to choose.
2. I like to fire people.
3. My dog, Seamus, enjoys being strapped to the top of the car.
4. No matter what I said in the past, I will abolish Planned Parenthood.
5. I will send immigrant children back to Mexico.
6. The money of the super-rich will trickle down to the rest of you losers.
7. I really need that car elevator. Everyone should have one. Oops, sorry. I forgot some of you lazy folks don't have cars.
8. I made a mistake with that RomneyCare thing in Massachusetts. Too bad it worked out so well for them.
9. Tax shelters in Switzerland and the Cayman Islands are good things.
10. Paul Ryan was joking about his budget, you know the one the US Catholic bishops called "immoral."

Trust me:
11. Secrecy has worked well for the Mormons, and it will work well for the Romneys.
12. I am a man of principles; it's just that I have had to change my principles to get the nomination.
13. I had a friend who is Palestinian. Not sure why we parted ways.
14. I actually believed Josh Mandel always spoke with a southern accent. Surprised to learn he is from the Cleveland area.
15. My wife's dancing horse, Rafalca, receives better health care than you whining middle class humans.
16.The records I shredded as Governor of Massachusetts contained nothing incriminating.
17.You are not going to goad me into saying "Pussy Riot."
18. Paul Ryan and I support mine workers and we will do whatever is possible to prevent any new mine safety regulations.
19. Paul Ryan's family does not need ObamaCare. They, like the families of other legislators, have a much better plan paid for by the taxpayers.
20. In our religion, we know how to take care of our women. We keep them in the other room and make decisions for them.

Trust me:
21. We have to cut Medicare in order to grow our military and defense budgets.
22. Paul Ryan just overlooked the fact that he requested $20 million of stimulus money at the same time he was opposing the stimulus program. Cut him a break. It was only $20 million for heaven's sake.
23. One-celled zygotes and huge multi-national corporations are people and need to be protected.
24. The more difficult it is to vote, the better it is for us.
25. I am not a wimp. I had to grovel and pander in order to get the nomination.
26. I am sorry I bullied that creepy gay guy in high school.
27. I am not concerned about the very poor.
28. I am not a preppy robot. I'm the guy next door; I'd be happy to sit down and sip some tea with you.
29  I love Michigan. The trees are the right height.
30. How dare the silly English call me a Twit. The only social media I use is Facebook.