My friend, Buck, met me for our weekly breakfast at the Hills Hash House this morning with what appeared to be a little extra spring in his step. Since he had been down about everything last week, I was hoping today would be a bit more positive.
Our regular waitress, Sara, was working today and wearing one of Buck's favorite skirts. Actually any skirt she wears is one of his favorites, especially if it is short. While I ordered my usual: grits, two sausage patties, and two eggs over easy, Erica convinced Buck to go for the HHH special, the famous "All American," which among other things consisted of a three-egg omelet covered with a generous layer of sausage and gravy, potato cubes, various green vegetable type things, and smothered with an abundant supply of melted cheese, a bowl of fruit, and toast or muffins.
Since my conversational topics of last week, football and politics, seemed to add to Buck's foul mood, I waited for him to begin the conversation. After observing how well Erica was looking today, he asked, "Did you watch the so-called National Championship game Monday?" I had not. "Well you're not the only one who missed it. The NCAA has screwed up the bowl season so bad, no one even cares by the time they get around to the final game. How many uninteresting bowl games do we need? In the old days, New Year's Day football was an entertaining day for us couch potatoes. And best of all, that was the end of college football season. But no, these greedy geniuses at the NCAA think they have a better idea.." At this point, Sara brought Buck's "All American." It was so large she had to serve it before she could bring mine.
When we both felt a need to take a break from stuffing ourselves, Buck asked, "Well you surely read about the New Hampshire primary results?"
"Sure did. President Obama won again."
"You know, sometimes you're a real ass."
"I'm flattered you noticed."
"Why do I even bother trying to have a conversation with you. I'm talking about the Republicans. Can you believe Mitt Romney? He has been campaigning in New Hampshire since 2007 and he can't get 40% of the Republican vote and then he wants us to believe it was a big victory!
"Sorry Buck, I don't give a damn. I'm not ruining my breakfast by talking about a six white millionaires whose egos are so big they keep tripping on them."
Actually, I was about finished with my breakfast, but he still had a mound of food on his plate. After a short period of silence, Buck began, "You're right. You and I could solve this country's problems. These politicians don't get it."
"Speak for your self. I don't have any solutions. For example how would you solve the Social Security problem?"
He jumped all over that. "What Social Security problem? There wouldn't be a problem if politicians had not raided the trust fund to pay for other things. At one time they talked of a 'locked box,' but then they continued to steal from the box. And...even though they raided it, everyone agrees that if we took the cap off of social security fees, the problem would be solved. And tell me, why is there a cap? Why shouldn't a millionaire pay more into the Social Security Trust fund than a mother or father struggling to raise their families on 55 thousand dollars a year? No reason. Take off the cap and so-called problem is solved."
"Makes sense to me," I agreed, " but how would you solve the federal deficit problem?"
"Come on, give me a hard one. Everyone knows the answer to that one. First, you remove the Bush tax cuts for those who make over $300 thousand, and then you stop paying agricultural and energy subsidies. Wola! Problem solved. By the way, did you ever wonder why they call it "subsidies" when we give billions to the non-working super rich , but they call it "welfare" when we give it to the working poor?"
"Good question," I answered.
"Okay, give me your next problem."
" No, No Buck. You solved enough of our problems for one morning. But how are you going to finish off all that food on your plate?"
"If you stopped giving me all these problems to solve, I would have been finished by now."
So much for avoiding football and politics, but I must admit I'm thinking Buck's solutions make more sense than I'm hearing from the politicians And please notice I didn't take a picture of Buck's breakfast this week.....my phone camera doesn't have enough capacity to do it justice.
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