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| Marlin Park Miami |
Since rain brought an abrupt end to our golf game, Buck and I decided to go to the Dew Drop Inn and fantasize about all of the birdies we might have had. Fortunately, Charlene, an old friend, was working behind the bar, and our Yuenglings were in our hands before we deposited our significant posteriors on the bar stools.
"What brings you boys in this early?' she asked.
"Rain ruined our golf game," I offered.
"Yeh, as though you jokers actually have a golf game.You boys are better off in here. Who knows? Out on the course, you two old fools might drive your golf cart into the lake and drown yourselves. And quite frankly, I'm tired of going to funerals."
"I'm not sure I'd invite you to my funeral," Buck said. "I don't like your attitude."
"Buck, you're an idiot! You don't get to invite guests to your funeral. You're dead and people come if they want to. In your case, a whole group of us will come just to dance on your grave."
"I love it when you sweet talk me, Charlene."
" I have an idea,' she said, "why don't you two geezers amuse yourselves, and I'll take care of real customers."
Buck and I silently contemplated the concept of geezerhood as we drank our beers. Charlene was obviously confused if she thought we were geezers.
On our second draught, Buck was on to his favorite topic -- the news. "Did you read about that MI6 spy who was found dead in England? His dead, naked body was found in a suitcase. But that's not the interesting part. The British government thinks he purposefully enclosed himself in the suitcase and asphyxiated himself. Me thinks somebody needs a reality check over there in Scotland Yard."
"You never know," I said, "strange things happen."
"Speaking of strange things," he continued. "Did you see that the Miami Marlin baseball team opened a new baseball stadium in the Little Havana area of Miami?" Before I could respond, he continued. "This new stadium, called Marlin Park, has a retractable roof, air conditioning, and, well, you will never believe this, a damned swimming pool. A roof, air conditioning, and a swimming pool at a baseball park. What is this world coming to? Who needs a swimming pool at a baseball park? I'll tell you, 'mambiepambies', that's who!"
"Well, Buck, times are changing."
"But that's not the worst part; they financed the damned thing with $515 million of public money --that is taxpayers' money, my friend!"
"Why would taxpayers agree to do that?"
"Because they told them it would contribute to the 'economic development" of the city. Can you believe it? How many cities across the country fell for that line of bull, only to discover it never replaces the money invested. But once again, another city has fallen for the scam."
"Well, at least they have air conditioning, but I doubt that Abner Doubleday, even in his wildest dreams, envisioned playing baseball in an air conditioned environment."
Charlene refilled our beer glasses while we ordered a plate of pickled herring.
"I suppose you know," Buck said, "the Tennessee State Senate passed a bill which allows 'Creationism' to be taught in public schools."
"Okay, Buck. I think you've had too many Yuenglings. Clarence Darrow fought that battle in Dayton, Tennessee, years ago."
"Well, my friend, you're right, but these assholes don't go away. They just keep coming back like syphilis. The thing is, they've changed the name to 'Intelligent Design.' Although the whole scientific world knows the significance of evolution, these people are going to pretend that creationism is a possibility. Hello? Creationism is based on a religious Middle Eastern story which was never meant to be taken literally, but the Radical Religious Republicans choose to believe it and ignore all the scientific evidence for evolution."
"Well, they have the right to believe whatever they want. Freedom of Religion, you know."
"That's exactly the problem. They're trying to foster religion in public schools! I don't begrudge them the right to believe whatever the hell they want. They can believe the Rapture is going to take place on December 13, 2012, but they do not have the right to be teaching that in public schools. Our Founding Fathers knew damn well that mixing religion and government was a recipe for disaster, but religious radicals keep trying to change this country into a theocracy like Iran."
"So Freedom of Religion involves Freedom from Religion?"
"You're damn right. Keep religion out of public schools! Those schools are paid for by Hindus, Deists, Agnostics, Atheists and a whole truckload of other ....ists. Why do Christians think it's all about them and their religion?"
At this point Charlene offered to refill out drinks, but Buck asked, "Charlene, do you believe in creationism?"
"Of course, I do," she said. "I believe God created us all equal, but then, some people,like the two of you, find out you can't play golf and, after a few Yuenglings, want to solve the world's problems instead of learning how to putt."
We then asked for our check.
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